Where did you get a picture of my penis
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
