i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
