so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
