I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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