He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sorry about my life...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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