dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
