We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
