i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
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I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
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I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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