i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
