Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
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I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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