I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
