I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
