debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
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six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
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Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
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