Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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