I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
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I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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