you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
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My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
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You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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