Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
