So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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