I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
