he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
