That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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