The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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