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you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
