Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
