i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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