Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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