NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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