Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
