im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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