i think my tv is drunk
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
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Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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