I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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