Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.

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  (608): Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting. (608): Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro. http://tfl.nu/1sa0
  Replies (18) Good night (1129) Bad night (2508)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?

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  (513): The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU? http://tfl.nu/gpmz
  Replies (8) Good night (495) Bad night (3246)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool

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  (253): dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool http://tfl.nu/jdq1
  Replies (5) Good night (543) Bad night (2637)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.

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  (780): i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least. http://tfl.nu/btfu
  Replies (29) Good night (783) Bad night (2382)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life

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  (604): omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life http://tfl.nu/up0q
  Replies (10) Good night (3212) Bad night (710)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall

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  (201): why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall http://tfl.nu/krc7
  Replies (43) Good night (11573) Bad night (733)
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  (213): View more from California

  How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.

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  (213): How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know. http://tfl.nu/sm0x
  Replies (15) Good night (3713) Bad night (802)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"

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  (804): ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty" http://tfl.nu/zpfk
  Replies (9) Good night (989) Bad night (4318)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.

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  (401): you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it. http://tfl.nu/ggt5
  Replies (11) Good night (4474) Bad night (1288)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.

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  (850): You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus. http://tfl.nu/vr5q
  Replies (15) Good night (9703) Bad night (925)
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  (707): View more from California

  Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.

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  (707): Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty. http://tfl.nu/vu49
  Replies (8) Good night (3338) Bad night (752)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.

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  (814): bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles. http://tfl.nu/uozt
  Replies (11) Good night (2632) Bad night (705)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember

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  (630): I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember http://tfl.nu/77e3
  Replies (1) Good night (588) Bad night (456)
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  (562): View more from California

  Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.

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  (562): Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers. http://tfl.nu/434l
  Replies (2) Good night (800) Bad night (369)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..

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  (708): that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs.. http://tfl.nu/9ni1
  Replies (2) Good night (411) Bad night (178)

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