A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her