I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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