Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok