Texts From Last Night

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  (762): View more from Georgia

  Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...

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  (762): Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once... http://tfl.nu/ks2u
  Replies (53) Good night (4690) Bad night (779)
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  (408): View more from California

  I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.

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  (408): I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that. http://tfl.nu/q1as
  Replies (20) Good night (3367) Bad night (1689)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.

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  (731): who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you. http://tfl.nu/e0pj
  Replies (39) Good night (5221) Bad night (2251)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."

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  (908): If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple." http://tfl.nu/0gie
  Replies (4) Good night (5258) Bad night (1028)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....

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  (770): Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues.... http://tfl.nu/vepi
  Replies (5) Good night (2157) Bad night (884)
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  (585): View more from New York

  i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold

  (1-585): View more from New York

  hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?

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  (585): i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold (1-585): hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce? http://tfl.nu/cepl
  Replies (4) Good night (2995) Bad night (639)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy

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  (256): Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy http://tfl.nu/ele7
  Replies (7) Good night (1225) Bad night (726)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.

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  (248): Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball. http://tfl.nu/g33p
  Replies (4) Good night (764) Bad night (1460)
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  (914): View more from New York

  So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.

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  (914): So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall. http://tfl.nu/w95m
  Replies (4) Good night (1307) Bad night (447)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin

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  (816): And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin http://tfl.nu/pn96
  Replies (7) Good night (499) Bad night (1059)
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  (626): View more from California

  It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."

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  (626): It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed." http://tfl.nu/13ua
  Replies (4) Good night (684) Bad night (314)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.

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  (913): I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath. http://tfl.nu/ml02
  Replies (4) Good night (568) Bad night (279)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.

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  (720): Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage. http://tfl.nu/0rvw
  Replies (1) Good night (282) Bad night (548)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I can't wait to tell mom.

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  (920): He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me? (262): I can't wait to tell mom. http://tfl.nu/c20r
  Replies (2) Good night (398) Bad night (534)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?

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  (307): Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today? http://tfl.nu/jvqk
  Replies (1) Good night (342) Bad night (188)

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