Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
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I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.