he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
