stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We have so much sex to catch up on
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
