when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
