hotel room ftw
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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