My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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