look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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