yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
