And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
