Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
