Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
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I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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