So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize