i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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