a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
