Your dad touched me again.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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