That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
