My girlfriend figured out who you are.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
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when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
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Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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