The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
