I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
