I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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