I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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