I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
