But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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