If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT