What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage