I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
