You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
