I want to stick my p in your. b.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
