You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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