CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
