Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Oh god it's open bar.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
